Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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