Already got asked if we're dating
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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