i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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