I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize