She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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