glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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