Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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