i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Everclear isn't food dammit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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