So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
3 2 1 whiskey
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh god it's open bar.
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