I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize