I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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