Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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