i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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