i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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