ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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