I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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