I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize