We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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