I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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