No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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