her vagine was all disorganized.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
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I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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