Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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