The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize