I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
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