i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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