I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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