VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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