barbara walters just said penis...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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