last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just pee glitter
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize