There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize