I think i peed on brittanys purse
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The air was thick with penises
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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