its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize