i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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