12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
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She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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