you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
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Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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