You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
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We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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