Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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