If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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