Soap is not a condiment
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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