You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize