Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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