Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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