The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize