I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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