Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize