I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
MIDGETS
????
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize