cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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