I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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