If i come over, it means nothing
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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