I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize